Am I Deserving?

I met a man last night who served four years in the marines. He served during Vietnam and after his term he did not reenlist. He suffered no physical injuries though he saw a lot and suffered many mental and emotional scars. His buddy also served during Vietnam in the Marines. During his term in service he stepped on a land mine and lost a leg. He had a really kick ass prosthetic leg which I couldn’t help but point out to him. It was a decorated Marine leg. I liked it.

I thanked them for their service. The first man said he was undeserving. He said “I only served four years and the only thing I learned was how to duck, unlike my buddy here.”   He said he continues to work with veterans now because he feels he hasn’t served enough even though he is in his 60’s. He said he felt like he could have done more during his time of service. I understand his thinking. I feel the same way.

I am sure like me he gave 110%. We did our jobs to the best of our ability and also went above and beyond at times. I told him that I only served 5.5 years and that I never had a reason to duck. I told him how I developed a rare disease and my time in service was cut short. He said I deserved the recognition unlike him. I think the same thing when I meet other veterans.

We see the sacrifice some people have made, the loss of limbs, or other body parts. The mental and emotional instability that what they endured has caused. I sometimes feel I receive more than I deserve. But what makes one person more deserving than another. I willingly went where I was sent. I did my job. I followed orders. I led when a leader was needed and fell in line when a leader was already present. I improved in areas where change was vital and accepted change when it was directed. I did what others did. I just did it in a different environment, under different circumstances. I suffer daily. Mental, emotional, and physical pain.

There are those that never saw war. Never suffered any injury or illness. Does that make them less of a soldier? Less of a veteran? I don’t think so; that is when I look at other military personal. I for some reason hold myself at a different standard. Maybe it is because I wanted to continue serving. I didn’t choose to quit. I really think I could have done more despite my illness. I don’t think my work is finished.